Forever Changed
by ByWillowy
Summary: What if Garcia hadn't shown up when JJ went to Spencer's apartment after Maeve died? Would he let her in?


JJ climbed the stairs to his apartment one by one, trying to be as quiet as her stiletto heels would let her. She navigated around the various gift baskets, all from Garcia she was sure, and then there she was, right in front of his door. She hesitated as she lifted her hand to knock, remembering how she'd come to be here.

He wouldn't answer. Maeve's death had been well over a month ago and he wasn't taking their calls, not even _her_ calls. She and the team had come repeatedly to bang on his door and they were met with stony silence every time. The only reason they didn't break it down is because Hotch had called Diana and she had assured them that Spencer was okay physically, just devastated, and he needed to withdraw for a while.

JJ couldn't stand it any more. She needed to see him. She needed to lay eyes on him and touch him, hold him. She knew she could help him, if only he'd let her in.

She lifted her hand again and rapped her knuckles softly against the door. "Spence?" she called, "it's just me. Can you let me come in?"

She pressed her ear against the door and heard nothing. She stood back and tried again, still nothing. JJ leaned her forehead against the door and said, almost a whisper, "Spence, I'm not leaving this time, I'm not. Please. Just let me see you. Let me in."

She waited. Long minutes went by and she was just about to sit on the floor and start talking to him through the door when she heard the lock slide open. She quickly turned the knob and opened the door and there he stood, in his dirty bathrobe, his hair all tangled, his face unshaven, his eyes and nose swollen and red. God, he wasn't getting any better. At all.

JJ glanced around. His apartment was a mess, and it was obvious he didn't care. He just stood there looking at her like she was a stranger. He wiped his sleeve across his nose and said "There, you've seen me. Bye."

She looked up into the reddened holes that were his eyes and said. "Nuh-uh. Not this time." She moved closer to him, touching his arm as she approached and he went completely rigid. Spencer had always welcomed her touch before, so it stung that he was so ready to reject her now, but the biggest part of her understood.

"Spence," she said, her blue eyes searching his face, her hand entwining with his. "Just trust me, okay? Will you do that?"

He looked at her, his mouth twisting as he tried to hold back, tried not to cry again. He had held out so long, kept them all at bay so long… but he had had to let her in. She was the only other woman he'd ever really loved and he needed… someone who felt him… who knew him, cared for him. "JJ…" he whispered, as his arms reached out to her.

She was in them in a second, holding him tight. She felt him pressing against her and she pressed back. She stood there slightly swaying with the weight of him, just holding on. She could feel him crying, the spasms of his body he couldn't control wracking his slight frame. She let him cry, and she rubbed his back and she held him for dear life. She whispered "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay" over and over like a mantra and as he buried his face into her neck she was so very glad she had come.

After a while he stopped crying, wiping his eyes with his dirty sleeve, he pulled back and looked at her. She reached up and softly brushed the remaining tears from his cheeks and leaned in, dusting them with her lips.

"Thank you," he said.

"Don't thank me, Spence. I'm here for you. It's why I came."

He looked at her quizzically. "Hmm? What do you mean?"

JJ tilted her head and smiled, reaching up to touch his cheek. "You'll see. Right now? Let's get you in the shower."

Spencer started to protest but he knew he did need one so he let her push him down the hall. They got to the bathroom and JJ leaned in, turning on the hot water. It was then that Spencer noticed she still had her coat on. He shrugged out of his robe and turned to hang it on the door hook. He turned around and saw her stepping out of her shoes, untying the belt of her trench as she did so.

The bathroom started to get steamy from the hot water and Spencer leaned against the wall as JJ caught his eye. He watched as she opened first one flap of her coat, then the other, revealing all to him in one swift movement. Revealing that she had nothing else on.

He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was perfection. The tiniest waist leading into her flat, defined stomach, her soft blonde 'v' trimmed into the smallest of hearts barely covering her most intimate place, and her breasts, god her breasts… high and firm, with bright pink nipples pointing directly at him, her hair falling down and curling loosely around each mound. She raised her arms and lifted her hair, letting it slide through her fingers as she lowered her lids seductively.

Spencer was breathless, hypnotized. Never in his life had he seen such a beautiful woman, not in pictures, not in magazines, not on the internet, and certainly not in real life. He reached for her, wanting nothing more in this world than to touch her. She took his hands, and placed them on her waist, leaning in and brushing her lips against his as she said "I'm not going to touch you unless you want me to, Spencer. I needed to shock you, wake you up. And I am here for you in every way, so know that right now. But I'm not going to push you, and I won't take advantage of you. If you want me, I am here. I'm here with love, and with passion, and because you mean the world to me."

She kissed him lightly on the lips and moved his hands up to brush softly against her nipples, then brought them back down to her waist as she pushed his flannels down around his ankles. He stepped out of them as she undid the buttons on his pajama shirt and slid it off his shoulders, her eyes never leaving his. The steam was cloudy in the bathroom now and she closed the small gap between them, pressing her breasts against his chest.

"Do you want to shower alone?" she asked.

He shook his head no, and cupped her face in his hands, touching his lips to hers. JJ could feel his erection pulsing against her stomach and her heart rate sped up as she slid her lips against his soft mouth. She had taken a risk, and it had paid off. He wasn't thinking about his pain, his loss, he wasn't hurting right now, right this moment and that was because of her.

She turned her back to him and held his hands, placing them on her breasts with a squeeze. She stepped into the shower still holding him against her as the steam swirled around them, leading him, loving the feel of his body against hers, his hardness pressing against her back. They got in the shower and she turned to face him, picking up the soap as she felt the warm water cascading down her back. JJ twirled her finger around and looked at him through her wet bangs instructing him to turn around. She grabbed a clean washcloth from those stacked in the metal rack on the shower tile and smiled as he obeyed, turning around and pressing his hands against the tile. JJ went to work on him, rubbing the slippery soap between her hands, then rubbing her hands all over Spencer. She used the washcloth sometimes, sometimes not, and by the time she was finished he felt like a new man, glowing and scrubbed clean. She wasn't quite finished, though.

Spencer had borne it well, all of it, not succumbing to his baser instincts and just grabbing her and taking her up against the tile like he really wanted to, and in the end he was rewarded. JJ pushed him up against the shower wall and closed in, her body every bit as soaped up as his, and slid herself up and down the length of him. Spencer thought he would lose it all right then, but she reached down, and for the first time grabbed his hardness in her slippery hands. She stroked him as he dropped his head back against the wall, eyes closed, mouth open, he'd never felt this intensity, this total encompassing of his body, his heart, his head… he felt his orgasm building, rising, with every stroke of her soap-lathered hand and he breathed in steam and breathed out her name. She slowed her strokes as she stood up, tantalizing him further and his hands were in her hair, on her shoulders, her breasts, her hips. She tiptoed and bit his earlobe lightly, gently sucking and said "Spence… Spence… come for me, come for me ahh please baby"… and he did. He released into her tight grip with a powerful groan, panting and flexing and calling her name, loving the feeling of his cock in her hand. Trusting her. Needing her.

JJ smiled at him then, dazzling him further as she backed into the stream and rinsed her hair. He watched the soap slide off her body as he leaned panting against the tile, his back pressed against the shower wall, his eyes drinking her in. She turned around and bent over to shut off the water and he couldn't help but reach for her perfect ass… so much left unexplored… she turned her head and smiled at him, then pushed him against the tile again. She met his eyes and ran her thumb up along his eyebrow. "Spence… _my_ Spence" she emphasized… do you want me to stay tonight?" He looked at her with every openness and intense relief and said "Will you?"

She brushed her lips against his, nodded, and said "Let's go." She was so happy that he had responded to her. So thrilled that she could see happiness and trust in him once again.

They slowly dried each other off, and he bent to kiss her bright pink nipples. She dropped her head back and moaned lightly as he gently licked around her areolas and suckled each nub until it was rock hard. She dropped her towel and dug her hands into his soft curls, loving the feel of his soft, short beard against her skin. Spencer released her and they crawled in the bed together. He couldn't stop touching her, didn't want to, but his eyes were so heavy… he hadn't slept in days. She wanted to take it further but she could see his exhaustion, and as she folded herself against him she said "Sleep now, sweet man. We have all day to talk. Just rest."

"JJ, I know what you did, I know why you came here and I know what you did and… thank you, just thank you…" he whispered. She felt him bury his face in her neck and she wrapped her arms around him then, pulling him even closer and they both fell into an instant, deep sleep, JJ's worries about him gone, Spencer's path forever changed.


End file.
